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No One Knows what's Going On in My Head and I'm Not Going to Tell Them

by ocarth

/
1.
you know the clock is ticking what will i do when it runs out slow to ponder, but it isn't your concern i'll figure it out myself
2.
i would put the lyrics here but they're cringe so i wont
3.
noises
4.
teen drama 01:53
there's something under my bed it's crawling out of my head but we don't have to worry 'bout what's happening next i'm gonna get a job then i'll buy us a car and we'll get out of this town and leave all this drama behind us
5.
the soft green grass on our legs the frozen can on your bed staring into the moon, i don't know what to feel if anything it's nobody's fault, it's how it is i don't know how to respond to this don't know what i'm feeling (feel it again and again) but i know i'll never feel this way again don't know what i'm feeling, feel it again and again i don't know what love is, so it can't be, then don't know what i'm feeling, feel it again and again i try to be happy then i remember again
6.
i have enough strife controlling my own life, what makes you think i'd do that twice? and i already struggle to keep myself scar-free i don't think i can do that twice when we dance, there's something not quite right i just can't seem to place it and when we dance, there's something not quite right i just can't seem to place it and you don't know what's going on in my head and i'm not going to tell you and they don't know what's going on in my head and i'm not going to tell them ohhh if you really want me to feel better you should try to stop being so happy 'coz i don't know what i did to deserve this if only you knew how far i fell and you don't know what's going on in my head and i'm not going to tell you and they don't know what's going on in my head and i'm not going to tell them ohhh (raise your left arm above your head. you can't, tell me why. (no) your father was dangerous)
7.
everyone was standing around when the meteor came to strike it hit the earth and everyone got away but i got closer it burned the skin and emitted a pale blue light and the stars all fell and the birds stopped singing
8.
i made friends with a ghost and you can't see him his name's steve jobs and i got him from the moon and he's not going back no matter how hard he tries, he's staying with me.
9.
10.
walking down the main street with a cigarette in hand all the kids were staring but she didn't care she had a killswitch on her wrist and bleached dyed hair her parents didn't matter and she'd doubt they'd even care if these are the best years of her life, she doesn't want to grow up ibuprofen on the floor, she couldn't help herself throwing up she layed there all alone, shaking but couldn't cry the friends she tried to ask for help did nothing as she died
11.
if i could tell you how to feel, would you take my advice? i'm an idol to no one but a shell of inspirations everyone i meet is just another one to hate if i'll never be like them, what is there to debate? i can starve myself to look more similar but the problem still remains it's what's inside that counts and what has sealed my fate
12.
i just want to be her take the train at night, sneak out with friends, smoke in public and not have to hide and you can try to talk to me nice but i won't have a response and you can try to tell me what to do but i'm defective with no signs of wear just tell me what to do with myself just tell me what to do with myself 'coz i hate myself and i hate my body so i'll chop it up and leave it to rot and it'll all be your fault.
13.
i actually don't remember the lyrics skull emoji
14.
im so sorry about anything that i said but just know that i meant it wholeheartedly and i apologize for anything that i did just know that i dont remember doing it your hands are pretty cool do you mind if i hold them? my eyes are really dark would you care to brighten them? I know you dont like me and i don't either but can we just pretend that everything's clear? i got so fucked last night i dont remember what happened ill tell everyone a story that probably didnt happen i heard everyone had fun and enjoyed themselves i remember feeling good for a second and not much else your hands are pretty cool do you mind if i hold them? my eyes are really dark would you care to brighten them? I know you dont like me and i don't either but can we just pretend just for the evening? (life is pretty boring without a crush. whether it's a workplace infatuation, or that cute desk mate at school, crushes simultaneously color your experience with a hopeful glaze of innocent infatuation, and orient you to a specific goal - to be with them. sometimes these crushes extend beyond all rationality, we develop them within the panicked scurrying of airport terminals, through the consumption of art made by someone of a ridiculously higher status, and even within the ethereal eroticism of our very dreams. no matter the actual potential of anything developing, it is within the painful absence of reciprocation, the dramatics of unrequited love-) (my tip today is to forgive yourself, something I think we can struggle to do sometimes, if past or recent mistakes have been weighing on your mind, what I want you to do, is just let them go. I want you to tell yourself something really good about you. and remind yourself that life can be hard, and we can't get it right all the time. so be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and let it go.) (weather it's-)
15.
i get hung up on tiny things my family hates me and i hate them my sister goes to a private school my friends only like me coz my dad's cool i shouldn't be here i shouldn't have stayed i'm falling into a twin sized grave no one's ever sorry, not as much as me and so i get up for another day but i'll be fine but i'll be fine
16.
dysmorph 02:45
how many times do i have to tell you that i don't want to be here anymore? you won't get me help so i'll sit inside my room and shower once a week and never speak to anyone i'll cut myself and cry and you'll close your ears and look at my scars and tell me it gets easier and you know from what experience? the shit you made up months ago about your friend in the hospital? this blood is on your hands this blood is on your hands this blood is on your hands this blood is on your ha
17.
t's song 03:47
(sean, i really hope that you never have to watch this. but i felt like, in the event that something does happen, you should have an explanation of what i know. at least about what's going on. and i know, i know you don't want any part in it. and that's fine, i understand, but uh-)
18.

about

made in just under a month during a breakdown

if you download the album you get a new text document with ramblings a cool back cover n some photos if i remember to add them

all instruments played by and all songs written by me blah blah blah. thank you for listening ;)

credits

released March 16, 2023

license

all rights reserved

tags

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